Cleaning in Oblivion

I avoid my oven. Not to cook. To clean.

As I open the oven door to cook the weekly za' from TJ’s, I’m reminded that the remnant burnt crumbs from last week, won’t just fry to nothing.  So, PB & J for dinner, it is.

I’ve become great at math. Received a home degree in Arithmomania with minor in OCD. After using the stove, I have checked the knobs to be sure it’s off, more than Trump says “terrific” in a sentence. Both to calm fear, only mine in truth and sincerity. I’ve always been afraid of fire so I make sure all knobs are pointing up.  As well as chins, hopes, and dreams.

Maybe you can relate. Ever make coffee at home, then go to work only to realize that you can’t stop obsessing on whether you left the coffee maker on?  Then drive home to be sure? Better to be safe, right? Or maybe it’s just best not to turn anything on. Except yes, Netflix “I’m still there” just not to become a contestant on Survivor - Home Edition.

I love cleaning the bathroom, and using the fragrant cleanser “Fantastico” to make the countertops shiny like my forehead. I tried something new after cleaning recently. I hadn’t done in months, and thought, it’s time. Let’s do it.

I blow dried my hair. I couldn’t believe it, and I used a straightening iron. Then napped for two hours. So from here on out, here’s my shortcut for Pandemic Pretties and using a flattening iron. Don’t plug it in.  I’ve been resembling “Lilith” quite a bit these days.  Have had my hair in a perpetual bun permanently molded that way. Not only is easier to maintain, but functional. I store my hand sanitizer in it. I’ve been getting really good at cleaning. It’s the ultimate avoider. My “deal later procrastination pile” is now shined up by Fantastico. My mom would be proud. She was a big believer that your surroundings are a direct reflection of your headspace. So after a full day of cleaning, I feel productive hitting the pillow and traveling to sleep land. Plus, I get the whole row to myself and no one behind me kicking my seat.

5 Quarantine Cleaning Tips:

1. When you have dishes, keep them in the sink for a few days. Feels like you had a party.

2. After returning from the grocery store disinfecting and unpacking bags, order take out for delivery.                   

3. Make your bed everyday. It reminds you when getting back in it, it’s a different day.

4. Clean your car. One day you’ll go somewhere.

5. Purge and go through an old box. It avoids cleaning your oven.

The Volley

“Hi, how are you?”

“I’m good, how are you?”

“Good, good, you?”

“I’m good, yah, you know. Fine, good ..you?”

Your serve. You pick up the ball and hit it into the ping pong match of the how are you abyss. Often a long volley because the answer to the question, is the question to divert the answer. Or maybe the question is the answer all along.

These days the pause to ask, mirrors the pause to answer. And sometimes, it can feel that no matter how many times you try to serve that ball to volley, a task to be in conversation. Sometimes so much is said without any words at all. Like that incredibly beautiful scene in the movie Big Night with Stanley Tucci and Tony Shaloub . I always tell my students in stand up, the POV is what drives the joke, you could say the alphabet, but if you say it pissed off? It’s funny. When you are performing, it’s like you’re playing a game of catch with the audience. You hold the ball, throw a joke - the audience catches it, and throws it back by way of laughter. And that, is what makes for a great volley. 

I’m an outgoing isolator. Love a good party.  Netflix, my pup,  and a flavorful mix of sweet and salty. These days, the quiet in our direct surroundings is loud from the noise of the world. It’s like there is a constant “bzzzz”, like telephone poles with a short circuit, a constant low frequency of unrest sparked daily into the well abyss.

(Takes bite of ice cream).

So I try to change it up. I do the opposite. When I feel like napping? I go for a walk. When I feel like a chocolate wafer bar from Trader Joe’s? I make a fruit shake. When I feel like browsing on Amazon at more throw pillows to distract from working? I start writing. Yet while I’m getting good at “contrary actions”, the challenge I’m reminded of is , how will I learn to engage again with people? Be on stage? Perform? Teaching comes easy,and fortunately I’m active on line providing workshops and coaching, but how does an outgoing isolator adapt again?  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed a few mumbles to myself, an occasional nod, and remember my mom doing that. I’d look at her while she was drinking coffee pondering, and could see her thoughts. Her brows would start to move, an occasional shrug of the shoulder, and then a final a blow on her coffee to sip. Maybe a trait I learned from her, but when I muster sound and actually talk full sentences to myself? One of the perks to living alone because you always get the last word.

What if more activities were done by contrary action? How bout an “opposite day?” in quarantine?

Five Tips to Opposite Day:

1.) Napping: Remember as kids, we didn’t want to go to bed? Go to bed before sundown if you’re tired, you’re tired!

2) Make up: It used to be put on a little lipstick, and cease the day! Now, it’s keep on the pajama’s and write down which day you took a shower. We used to wear makeup to look a little older, now I don’t wear any, to keep the lines from cracking!

3) Hiking hellos: Instead of smiling and waving to that person you may see along the path of your hike, do it on the freeway in bumper to bumper traffic.

4) Put your opposite shoe on your opposite foot, walk around the block, and see how each step is different and accomplishes a whole new task.

5) Read 3 things that make you smile vs reading the news which doesn’t.

For more ways we can find the funny in everyday life, reach out! 

We’re all in this together.

Keep serving the ball.